we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
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We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
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also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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