I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
