I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
