Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
We left an ass print on the piano.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Randomize
