Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
