so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
my liver is dry heaving
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
