people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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