cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
