When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
