i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
jump out the window naked night went bad
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
