I think I died a long time ago.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
