this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Sorry my hands just texted you
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
