Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
