I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
