Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
