I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
