He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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