Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
