I'd wear matching sweaters with you
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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