Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
