I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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