I want to stick my p in your. b.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
