just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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