Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
try to milk me bitch
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