i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
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