just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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