I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
