He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
