if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
