I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
