Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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