hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
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