my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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