You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
