who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
