Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
