Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
organizing the empties. That sober.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Found your dick twin last night
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
