I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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