The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
