My cat gives me a boner
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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