considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
