it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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