Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
handjob tips. give me some.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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