I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Randomize
