he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
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