I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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