told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
