I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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