I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
