Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
