You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
