The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
