thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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