Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize