you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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