Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
