I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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