Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Well I just put wine in my tea
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
