Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
