i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
My friends, they love my intelligence
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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