Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
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