you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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