Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
