I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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