So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
