I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
