Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
