I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
