Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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