Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
