garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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