"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
