I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
