***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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