My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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