No awkward lesbian experiences without me
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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