i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i drank out of a bidet.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
