he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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