In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
