Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
