I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
