Whod you bang
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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