he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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